What my opinion of your book says about me (funny and completely hypothetical)
May 10, 2013 § 1 Comment
Many authors seek the opinion of friends and family about a new manuscript but trying to figure out what people mean can be downright confusing, so here’s a little guide to help all of you newbies out there:
“I thought it was a pretty good first draft”: I am your older brother and I secretly feel superior.
“Obviously there are some plot holes but if you market it correctly, no one will notice”: I am your know-it-all brother in law and think criticizing others makes me sound smarter.
“I liked it but I am not sure if it is what the market needs right now”: I am your cousin and you owe me money.
“I especially liked the love scenes”: I’m horny and available and hope we are only distantly related.
“Clearly you didn’t read Elmore Leonard’s essay on writing dialogue”: I am the douche bag nobody remembers inviting but who somehow always shows up.
“I think some of the sex scenes could use some spice”: I’m your ex boyfriend and bored in my marriage.
“Well, it’s a tough market out there. Who knows if this is what readers want”: I am your father and I only read sports stats.
“I thought it was brilliant and showcases your exceptional writing talents”: I am your neighbor and I secretly want you.
“I found a few typos and I made a spreadsheet with the most commonly used words and separated them by verb, adjective, adverb, noun…”: I’m your weird little cousin and I have no life.
“Expletives, much?”: I am your slightly hammered uncle, I didn’t read your manuscript and I just need a bathroom.
“I thought you had some problems with the arch”: I am someone’s date, we are not related, I don’t know who you are and I wish I had made up a better excuse not to come.
“I thought it was very artsy”: I’m your moron best friend and I didn’t understand a word of the two pages I read.
“I think it still needs some work but you’re on the right track”: I’m the sibling who likes you.
“Well, it’s not a terribly original idea but you do you have some nice metaphors”: I’m married to an obscure relative and jealous of you because you actually did what I have only dreamt of doing.
“Well, of course it’s going to be a best-seller! It’s better than The Da Vinci Mystery!”: I am your aunt, twice removed on your mother’s side who wears too much lipstick and still pinches your cheeks.
“I didn’t care for all the profanity”: I am your high school English teacher and I am wondering how the hell I got conned into coming here.
“I loved it! I wouldn’t change a thing”: I am your grandmother.